I have been in this state of deep sorrow for a few months now, feeling this push/pull effect on my life and my psyche. It's leaving me drained, irritable, angry, lost, confused, sad, overwhelmed...the list goes on. I'm in this state of flux where nothing is constant, it's ever-changing and uncomfortable. And it's all within me; nothing in my home or work life has changed. I am that snake as she sheds her old skin, the woman in deep labor pain, the butterfly struggling to be free. I am having to let everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, fall away so I can re-emerge into my new creation.
Last night, my dream was beautiful, empowering, and had many messages for me. Listen closely, as I am sure there are messages for you as well...
"There was a band of women who took a stand against all that was wrong in the world, fighting for justice and saving those without a voice. They were running away from those who tried to suppress their gifts, but were never caught. One woman saved a male creature, trusted him, and had him join in their fight. These women were animal shapeshifters. Their power was within the change. One woman was speeding through space, trying to beat time, trying to make it to a certain destination before it was too late. She had already shapeshifted, and the trusted male creature began to have fear. He was scared and didn't know what to do, and his power was tied to the shapeshifters. So he began to turn off her shapeshifting ability. She screamed for him to stop, but then she exploded and her pieces fell into the planet she was about to enter. Her pieces fell into it's ocean, sinking further and further into it's depth. Slowly, piece-by-piece, she came together, creating herself into a new life."
This was just one small portion of this dream. It was insane and crazy, but felt so empowering. I know there are many messages just within this small portion, but I want to share just two of the insights I gathered from this dream:
* She didn't know she could rebuild herself because she never let herself fall apart.
* Fear is destructible, but it was also the driving force behind your re-creation.
Holy shit. Let's take that first one.
She didn't know she could rebuild herself because she never let herself fall apart.
This is all about having HUGE amounts of trust. Trust in yourself, in those around you, in the present moment, in Spirit...trust that it's okay to let your guard down and allow a deep sense of release wash over you. Trust that when you shatter into pieces, you WILL rebuild yourself. And it's all for your highest good; this release, this shattering, this death of what used to be. You and I are more than we were, and we are bigger and more magnificent than what we dream of in the future. We are here now, in this moment, in this season of life, falling apart and rebuilding ourselves into something more than we ever thought possible. But it can't happen if we don't trust this process, if we don't shatter the old self, we can never rebuild ourselves in our new creation, our new life.
On to the second. And this one made me pause for awhile, because who the hell wants fear driving them forward?!
Fear is destructible, but it was the driving force behind your re-creation.
Usually, when someone thinks of fear thoughts of immobilization or inaction come to mind. But in this dream, the fear was something more than just being afraid or unable to take action, it was a fear of what this shapeshifter could do. It was fear of the positive, of her power, of her strength, of her fierceness! It was fear of what she was becoming, and this fear was the drive that lead to her re-creation. That, in spite of her fear, she continued, she persisted, even when she knew it would destroy what once was true for her. In those moments, we yell STOP, but we know it has to happen so we can reach higher, grow more expansive, continue our work in the world, and live a more authentic, abundant life.
So, yes! Fall apart. Shatter. Shed your skin. Push through the massive pain of transformation and growth. This 'undoing' will be your sacred cocoon. Burst out of it, struggling and failing, for this will only strengthen who you are and your mission in this world. Allow this 'fear' of your freaking magnificent power drive you forward to rebuild this new creation of yourself. It's painful, scary, uncomfortable, messy, but without it you stay within the expectations you've placed on yourself and others. You can't move beyond those borders of what is and should be. Lean into it, trust yourself, and watch your unfurling. You are more than you think.