This is it. My redvolution. Excitement and nervousness bubble inside me, but I am oh so ready. This is my time to step fully into the Divine, arms high, voice loud, and passion oozing from my pores. She keeps showing herself to me on this journey of self-love, of self-empowerment, through the color of red. Here, within this color, I am met with everything I am; beauty, passion, wisdom, pain and Divinity. Feeling her love sweep through me, stirs myself awake. I can do this. I can and will allow myself to awaken to my life, to my joys and sorrows, and to embody wholeness.
Earlier this week I had a complete aha moment. Self-love is possible, even when you don't love yourself completely. It's one of those things that you know with your mind, but your heart hasn't felt the truth of it yet. It's life shattering for me. To understand completely with my entire being seems to allow my life to move more into clarity. Seeing every moment in a whole new light, my awareness spiking through the roof, makes me pause and just marvel in the moment. Wow...life doesn't have to be this certain way; the way it has always been done, and this feeling that I am so freaking powerful brings me to my knees.
This concept of self-love is finally hitting home. To feel the vastness of all the possibilities that lie in wait, still makes me pause with such gratitude. Knowing that every relationship I have, I am only responsible for my half. I can release the control, the disrespect, and the anger. I can see each moment moving in slow motion as it happens, and I am then able to respond from love instead of fear. Of course, there are still moments where I end up choosing to react from a place of fear. It's what I've always known; it's comfortable and safe. But if I choose to continue with what has always been, then nothing will ever change.
As I am able to sense my own energy and realize what is mine and what is not, my redvolution is showing me how to be okay with the messy parts of life. How to embrace the darkness, how to move through it and beyond it, but also how to be okay with it, too. There will be those darker times where it feels safe and comfortable to stay right where I am, and I do. You know those days where it seems nothing goes right, or where I end up losing my patience with my kids, or the times where I don't want to move; here is where She meets me; lovingly. And, sometimes, I won't know She's there, but she is. These are the moments to release self-judgement, and be okay with where I am...even when it's painful, lonely, and heavy. Without the storms, there is no release.
So, here I am on this Redvolution Soul Journey wondering what's next. I see glimpses of where She's guiding me, and relish in the moments where I ground myself in her love, in my love, and embrace all parts of myself.
I am an Elemental Space Clearing® Practitioner, Soul Coaching® Practitioner, and a Gateway Dream™ Coach. All this training is pointing me towards deep healing, and yet I haven’t fully swallowed my own words, tasted my own medicine. So here I am on the brink, the edge, the abyss of my life, peering in and realizing this isn’t how I thought it would be.
So, here I am at the start of 2018, wanting more of my life. Knowing something needs to change, that I am not able to do it all, and wondering how the hell I am to stay sane keeps me at this precipice of unable to move forward, yet not wanting to turn back. That's when I decided to dedicate an entire year to self-empowerment. To take my medicine bag with me; all the richness of these experiences to assist me in my practice of learning to love myself and my life fully. Taking time every day to listen to my intuition; to what my body wants to eat, how it wants to move, where it wants to travel, and how it wants to love. To first focus on the messages my body, mind, and soul are giving me, and then to take action. This will give me the opportunity to stand in my power, combining the messy parts of my life with the parts that seem to be put together.
Because this is important. This is my LIFE. This is how I connect, communicate, love, give, breathe, operate in the world. This is what influences my children, my marriage, my faith, my creativity, my passion; everything. And maybe along the way, you can learn with me, because for me to hit the pause button, and say "I will break out of the preconceived molds that society, my parents, my husband, myself have put me in," is fucking groundbreaking. Now's the time to boldly step into the uncertainty that this path will bring, claiming my truth and coming home again.